Tag: child

Parenting Psychologist Perth
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Ditch the mummy guilt – Why we need to push through it

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

Sherry-Lee Smith – Psychologist Perth WA

I wrote this post after many conversations with mummy friends and mummy clients. I get the impression we all feel ‘mummy guilt’ at one time or another. I am usually the type of person that’s pretty good at fighting for my own needs (think unbelievably stubborn), but sinceParenting Psychologist Perth becoming a parent I have a little child who also DEMANDS that her needs are met (WITHOUT DELAY! You know, as they do!). Being a working mum it has taken me some time to find the right balance between meeting my own needs and meeting her needs and the family needs. I felt incredibly guilty for going back to work and pursuing my own passions in my career. Then over time I felt like I still needed more for myself. I was watching other mums on social media who were getting fit, expanding their businesses, increasing their qualifications or following their dreams in other ways. For quite some time I felt envious of these ventures and that was enough to tell me that I needed something in my life to change. Our family, not knowing how we could fit one more thing into our seemingly impossible schedule, found a way to squeeze a little more ‘mummy me time’ in, in the form of yoga, the gym, mummy only coffee dates, or quite time for spiritual reflection. A couple of weeks after I made this a priority rather than a privilege I notice a major shift in myself and my capacity to give back to my family.

This lead me to my new mantra ‘ditch the mummy guilt’. It’s okay to feel guilty, we feel this way  because we are good mums who are accustomed to giving everything we have to our families. However, we owe it to ourselves and our families to push through the mummy guilt and do anything, absolutely anything to fill your own ‘cup’. Whether that’s exercise, art, spiritual practices, further education, or business ventures, it doesn’t matter. It’s important for our children to see a happy fulfilled role model, a strong woman that follows her dreams and takes care of herself. After all isn’t that what we want for them.  There is no job more demanding on a person than that of a parent. We deserve to be happy and fulfilled. By taking the time to meet our own needs and desires we will be a better partners and mothers.  Don’t suppress the guilt, feel the guilt and walk right through it. Hear your soul sing as you realign yourself with who you really are and let that love flow right through you and back to your family. If you are feeling called to do something there is no time like the present. Go on, you can do it!

Sherry-Lee Smith is a psychologist, mother and gentle parenting advocate. She works in private practice in Mt Lawley, Perth WA. Sherry is available for consultations with children, adolescents and adults. If you would like further information about her services please click here.

Child Anxiety Treatment Perth Psychologist
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Go Away Mr Worry – A Step Towards Managing Childhood Anxiety

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

Sherry-Lee Smith – Psychologist Perth WAChild Anxiety Treatment Perth Psychologist

I had an interesting conversation with the strong willed Miss 3.5 this morning. It was a usual morning, struggling to get her ready to leave the house and her not wanting to clean her teeth (AGAIN!). I noticed she had run off to her bedroom while I was getting ready.  I went to ask why she wasn’t brushing her teeth, and she answered that she was worried daddy was going to get hurt at work. One part of me was saddened, such a little person was worrying about something going wrong. Another part however felt proud that she was able to articulate so clearly what she was thinking and feeling and happy that she was able to share it with me. I took the opportunity to teach her something I have taught so many other young children who present to my clinic with anxiety issues. So I knelt down next to her and put my hand on her should and said to her ‘Oh I see,  Mr Worries has come to visit you. He likes to say things to children that make them feel worried or scared.  And he’s a bit of a trickster and doesn’t always tell the truth’. She looked at me, quite intrigued, so I continued ‘I wonder if he’s telling the truth this time’, I looked at her with a questioning look on my face ‘Daddy doesn’t normally get hurt at work, does he?’ , she shook her head ‘Well I think that maybe Mr Worries is tricking you, and when he does that we need to tell him to go away, can you tell him to go away?’ and she answered ‘Go away Mr Worry’ in a stern voice, straightened up her posture, smiled and then continued on with her morning routine.

It is important when children talk to you about their worries to validate what they are experiencing , rather than just dismissing it with ‘don’t be silly’. This opens up an opportunity to teach them important life skills. One of the first things I do with children is help them externalise their worries, giving it a name, like ‘Mr Worry’, or the ‘Worry Monster’. This helps them gain some psychological distance from the anxiety. It also helps you position yourself with your child and against their anxiety. You can then teach them to talk back to the anxiety, knowing that the anxious mind tends to distort thinking and perceptions about reality. Once you have opened up the dialogue around their worries whenever they need it, you can work towards playing games with them around the worry thoughts to help them further process and overcome these fears. For example, if they like superheros, you can get them use a spider man web to shoot the worry thought up to the roof or if they like fairies, shake a magic wand at the worry thought and make it go up in a puff of smoke. The more creative and fun you can make it for them the better. Help them out, play the game with them.

This is a good place to start in helping children manage their anxieties. If their anxiety is ongoing and persistent, i.e. getting in the way of their everyday functioning, it’s good idea to consult with a child therapist about how to proceed.

Perth Binge Eating Psychologist Counsellor Psychotherapist Sherry-Lee Smith

Sherry-Lee Smith is a psychologist, mother and gentle parenting advocate. She works in private practice in Mt Lawley, Perth WA. Sherry is available for parent consultations and child psychotherapy. If you would like further information about her services please click here.

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Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder – What are panic attacks or anxiety attacks – Part 2/6

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

Sherry-Lee Smith

Registered Psychologist

Perth, Western Australia

What are panic attacks or anxiety attacks?

When an abrupt surge of intense anxiety happens, a person is said to have had a panic attack (also sometimes referred to as anxiety attacks). The anxiety reaches a peak within several minutes and can last for up to half an hour. During this state of intense apprehension 4 or more of the following physiological and psychological symptoms may occur;

  • Increase in heart rate
  • Sweating
  • Shaking or trembling
  • Feelings of choking
  • Breathlessness
  • Pain or discomfort in the chest
  • Nausea
  • Hot or cold sensations in the body
  • Feeling light headed or dizzy
  • Tingling or numbness
  • Feeling like things aren’t real or detached from oneself
  • Fear of dying
  • Fear of losing control

A panic attack can start from a previously calm state or an anxious state. In any one year, around 11% of adults are thought to experience panic attacks. They can occur in the context of any mental health issue and are therefore quite common. They can be expected (triggered by an event, thought, situation etc.) or unexpected (where there is no obvious trigger).

If you are experiencing any difficulties with anxiety, panic attacks or other mental health issues and would like help please contact Sherry-Lee Smith on 042 135 1020 or smith.sherrylee@gmail.com

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Mt Lawley Counselling Centre

13 Alvan St

Mt Lawley, Perth Western Australia 6050

 

Sherry-Lee Smith

Registered Psychologist

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Anxiety, Panic Attacks and Panic Disorder – What is anxiety? Part 1/6

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

Sherry-Lee Smith

Registered Psychologist

Perth, Western Australia

What is anxiety?

Anxiety can be considered a normal human experience, everybody feels anxiety from time to time. Moderate anxiety can be helpful in a number of ways such as improving your performance by increasing your motivation, energy levels and alertness. This can be helpful prior to playing a sporting match, attending a job interview or sitting examinations. If you find yourself in a dangerous situation high levels of anxiety can be helpful to motivate you to act (i.e. if you arrive at the scene of a car accident) or escape (i.e. if someone is threatening you). As long as the anxiety you experience is in proportion to the event that triggers it, anxiety can be considered functional.

Anxiety becomes dysfunctional when it is out of proportion with the triggering event, when it reduces your performance (rather than enhances it), or is severe and persistent. Anxiety that causes excessive worry, avoidance or panic can become detrimental to daily functioning.

Symptoms of anxiety may include;

  • restlessness
  • rapid heart rate
  • nausea
  • dizziness
  • dry mouth
  • shortness of breath
  • muscle tension
  • feeling on edge
  • sweating
  • concentration difficulties
  • irritability

If you are experiencing any difficulties with anxiety or other mental health issues and would like help please contact Sherry-Lee Smith on 042 135 1020 or smith.sherrylee@gmail.com

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Mt Lawley Counselling Centre

13 Alvan St

Mt Lawley, Perth Western Australia 6050

 

Sherry-Lee Smith

Registered Psychologist

 

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OCD – Tips for family members and friends Part 6/6

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

 

  • Learn as much as you can about OCD
  • Take care of yourself and seek professional help if you need it
  • Try not to participate in their rituals – this only reinforces and entrenches OCD symptoms
  • Try not to let OCD take over the family or relationship
  • Criticism and negative comments can make OCD worse – try to create a calm and supportive environment
  • Acknowledge improvements however small
  • A non-judgemental attitude is helpful
  • Try viewing OCD as separate from the person not like a character flaw
  • Remember that it is normal to feel frustrated, angry or resentful when OCD interferes with your life
  • Encourage the person to talk about their OCD so you know how it affects them and how you can help
  • Encourage your loved one to get professional help

 

Sherry-Lee Smith Psychologist Perth Home Page

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OCD – OCD in Children and Adolescents Part 2/6

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

OCD in children and adolescents

The prevalence of OCD in children and adolescents is 1-3% of the population, similar to the number of adults who suffer from this debilitating condition. However many more have obsessive compulsive tendencies that are not clinically diagnosable but are noticeable nonetheless. OCD in children is often not identified and treated in a timely manner. This is often due to symptoms being mistaken for other behavioural problems, such as not handing in homework or taking too long completing work because it needs to be perfect, resistance to completing chores due to fear of contamination or refusing to go to sleep because rituals haven’t been completed. Furthermore children are often reluctant to discuss their fears openly and tend not to have insight into the irrational and excessive nature of their thoughts and behaviour.

Sherry-Lee Smith Perth Psychologist Website

 

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OCD – What is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Part 1/6

Sherry-Lee Smith Child, Adolescent, Adult, Psychologist. Perth, WA

Obsessive compulsive disorder is a mental health issue which is distressing to sufferers and impairs their ability to function in daily life. OCD is characterised by persistent thoughts, ideas, images, doubts or impulses (obsessions) that are experienced as disturbing, along with repetitive behaviour or mental rituals (compulsions) aimed at reducing anxiety.

Obsessions stimulate anxiety and are intrusive, unwanted and distressing. They are often experienced as irrational to the person experiencing them.

Common obsessions include;

  • Fear of contamination (by dirt, germs, bodily waste, chemicals or other substances)
  • Fear of illness, harm or death (to the self or significant others)
  • Aggressive obsessions (fear of hurting the self or others, violence, fear of being responsible for something terrible happening)
  • Sexual obsessions (“forbidden” sexual thoughts, such as incest or involving children, homosexuality or aggressive sexual behaviour)
  • Religious or moral obsessions (worry about thinking or saying something blasphemous, being consumed with always doing the right thing)
  • Number obsessions (safe numbers, bad numbers etc.)
  • Symmetry or exactness obsessions (alignment, perfection etc.)

Compulsions are repetitive behaviour or mental rituals that an individual feels compelled to perform in response to experiencing an obsession. The purpose of the compulsions is to alleviate or reduce the anxiety and distress created by the preceding obsession. The more successful the compulsion is at reducing the anxiety the more powerful and difficult to resist it becomes.

Common compulsions include;

  • Checking (things are locked, turned off, that somebody isn’t hurt or sick, something bad hasn’t happened, that a mistake hasn’t been made)
  • Repeating (rereading or rewriting, repeating activities)
  • Counting (counting and recounting)
  • Symmetry, ordering or arranging (straightening or arranging items)
  • Washing or cleaning
  • Touching
  • Excessive prayer
  • Avoidance of objects, substances or situations
  • Repetitive reassurance seeking

Obsessive-compulsive related disorders include body dysmorphic disorder (body image related obsessions and compulsions), hoarding disorder, trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder), excoriation (skin picking) disorder, and body-focused repetitive behaviour disorder (including nail biting, lip biting and cheek chewing).

OCD is a common mental health issue that impairs the functioning of a large number of people. The life time prevalence for OCD is estimated to be 2-3% of the population. However, some researchers argue this is an underestimate and that many cases of OCD go undiagnosed and untreated. People who suffer from OCD tend to experience impairment in several areas of life including occupational performance, academic achievement, and social functioning. The severity of OCD symptoms tends to wax and wane over time relative to the amount of stress a person experiences, even when the person has engaged in treatment. It can be a chronic and debilitating condition if not treated. Sometimes OCD symptoms can also change over time. For example the subject of obsessions may differ or the compulsions used to reduce anxiety may change.

Most people who suffer from OCD recognise that their fears and rituals are irrational and excessive. Because they have this level of insight they are more often than not distressed by their own thoughts and behaviour. Nonetheless, they feel almost powerless to stop them.

The onset of OCD is usually gradual and tends to manifest during adolescence or early adulthood. However, childhood onset or later life onset is not uncommon. Stressful life experiences such as family illness, death of a significant other, marital problems, divorce, sexual difficulties, or pregnancy often precipitate the onset of OCD.

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